Being More Social – Chapter 15

In the moment I felt a very odd surge of gratefulness. For every sexual event I bared to witness, I got to enjoy many moments gleefully. Innocently. Maybe this was what Salvador was getting at – maybe I was biased given the weekend, but my God, sex was becoming just… stupid.

You know what? It was stupid. Comically stupid. The teacher, who had adult responsibilities, thought it was actually okay to have intercourse with an underage student. Mr. MacDonald had some fucking nerve. I got chastised every week by Salvador for wanting sex. May basically had her way with me, throwing my comfort away in the name of having a quickie. And this bastard thought it was okay to have sex with Megan? No! No, fuck him!

My thoughts carried me forward. I barged into the geography room, deciding subtlety was for chumps. “What the fuck is going on?!” I demanded.

It was a rhetorical question. I looked everywhere but in the direction of the red-handed duo as they had their panic attacks and scrambled to gather their clothing. No one said a word until I decided to speak up again.

“No, really, I wanna hear it from you two!” I asked with rage I didn’t know I had. “What the sheer fuck is going on here?!” I looked in Mr. MacDonald’s direction, who had finished putting his pants on and was now hastily putting on his stupid Hawaiian shirt. “You are a fucking teacher here! You know exactly how old Megan is! Congratu-fucking-lations on being a god damn criminal!”

I turned towards Megan, who gathered her clothing but looked too scared to put it on. “And you.” I readied myself for the storm that was coming. “Was the whole fucking school not enough for you, you god damn slut? I don’t even need to hear the story to know you instigated this. Are you trying to get him fired? Because good fucking job. How could you be so… stupid?!”

Megan welled up and started to blink rapidly to stop her tears from flowing. It didn’t work.

“Right now a student council meeting is going on. How in the world did you think we wouldn’t notice you being gone?! I was sent to find you, and I’m not having a good day as it is. But by all means, thanks for fucking it up even further! Imagine if fucking Matt was sent to look for you.”

Megan was looking down at the floor, avoiding me, avoiding responsibility. “Go on, imagine it!” I yelled into her face. That broke the dam. Megan was crying uncontrollably, so much so that her limbs gave out and she stumbled for a chair.

One down, one to go. I turned my attention back to MacDonald, who was fully clothed and sitting at his desk, his head in his hands. “What’s wrong, does it not feel good?” I asked rhetorically. “In your classroom too. You smug fucks.”

Mr. MacDonald lifted his head from his hands. “Now hang on.” he finally broke his silence. “You don’t get to talk down to a teacher like tha-”

I had too much bullshit this week to listen to yet another condescending Salvador speech. “And you don’t get to fuck underage students, champ!” I retaliated furiously. This was, without a doubt, the boldest I had ever been in my life. “What the hell were you two thinking?!”

“W-we… we…” Megan tried to choke out, her tears giving her a serious stutter.

I folded my arms. “You what?” I demanded.

“W-we, we w-won’t do it a-again…” Megan barely choked out.

I pulled my head back and laughed hysterically in a way that scared even me. “No shit you won’t do it again! This is a fucking statutory rape! You’re a teacher!” I pointed at Mr. MacDonald, who was noticeably fidgety. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t report this, chief!”

Mr. MacDonald’s eyes were moving so fast it’s like he was entering a R.E.M. cycle. “I…” he stuttered.

“Well, you don’t have a good reason!” I barked. “You’re expected to hold responsibilities at this school! Who the hell do you think you are? What would your god damn wife say?!”

“I’m not married.” he said, the first thing he was able to say with any confidence since I barged in.

I blinked twice. “Well alright then!” I barked. “Great! That solves everything! No wrongdoing here! I’m not married!” I started to parade my way down the aisle of desks. “That makes everything better! Whoppee! No school rules, or laws, broken here!”

“P-please don’t tell anyone.” Megan begged.

“Why? What’ll you give me if I don’t, Megan? Blowjob?” I squatted down next to her desk. “Is that why you’re in here? What the fuck do you owe him?”

“I’m not okay.” Megan managed to tell me.

I looked her in the eyes for the longest time. “You’ve got that right.” I said with disgust, getting back up. “Get the fuck dressed. You have a council meeting to go to.”

“So this is staying with us?” Megan asked hopefully.

“I don’t fucking know!” I answered incredulously, waving my arms around. “Just get dressed! If we take too long other members are gonna come look for us, and I sure as hell don’t want to be caught up in all this!”

Again, I thought bitterly. Student council members sure were magnets for trouble.

At that moment, the devil on my shoulder entered my head, planting thoughts in my mind. If I didn’t want trouble, I could just shut up and this event would go away. I was the only witness to this event, so if I didn’t want drama, all I had to do was not start it.

I walked angrily and energetically down the aisles of desks like a madman as Megan got dressed. “You know what?” I asked them rhetorically, adopting way more easily to this creepy Heath Ledger Joker persona than I would have presumed in a million years. “Yeah, okay. Here’s what’ll happen. People like fucking you – “ I pointed at Megan, “ – are giving me a headache as it is, so I don’t need another huge event like this on my hands. So here’s what’s going to happen. Nothing. I’m not gonna blackmail you, I’m not gonna report you, but this fucking ends, today, here and now. I hope you’re fucking watching Megan, Mr. MacDonald, because this is the last time you’ll ever see Megan naked, ever. Now we’re going to get dressed, leave, and never speak of this again, right, Megan?”

Megan nodded her head.

“What about you, sir?” I asked, sarcasm dripping from my voice. “You got it?”

Mr. MacDonald was not happy with my attitude, but realized there was nothing he could do about it. He was downright scared. He was scared of me. I hated to admit it, but a part of me liked it. I was powerful.

“We have an agreement.” he accepted.

“Fantastic.” I sighed, then turned to Megan. “You dressed yet? No? The fuck is wrong with you?” I didn’t wait for her to answer. “I’m going into the hallway. Take more than two minutes to come out and I’m going to the principal. Say more than ‘goodbye’ to each other and I’m going to the principal.” I left the room in a huff, slamming the door with all of my might behind me.

I didn’t fucking care if Megan wasn’t okay. I wasn’t okay. I felt anger with her, but oddly, I also felt angry about her. It was like I was angry at whatever she was slowly turning into. I slumped against the wall. Megan was borderline more dangerous a creature than May. May knew what she was doing, but Megan was clueless. Somehow, even though I was never her target, that made her even more terrifying.

But May used me. Worse, May claimed I used her, then she used me. She didn’t care about my feelings. She was selfish. She abused me. …You know what? She fucking sexually assaulted me. I didn’t give consent. That’s how it works with girls, right? Why the fuck should it have been any different with me?

I was taken out of my thoughts by a tear-soaked Megan quietly shutting the door behind her. Fully clothed, fully embarrassed. “Let’s go.” she quietly said. I nodded, pushed myself off of the wall, and we began our journey in silence.

We were about halfway there when I sighed, then looked at Megan and snapped. “No, you know what? No.” I forcefully pinned Megan against the wall. “What the fuck is your deal?” I growled.

Megan was taken completely off-guard and was as terrified as ever. “…What?” she managed to ask.

“When I set you up with Carson, I didn’t think I was enabling you to become the school’s communal piece of sex meat.” I raged. “Not even the fucking students are enough for you. The teachers. The fucking teachers, Megan. How sick and twisted is that?”

Megan said nothing, and looked at my arm that pinned her to the wall instead of my eyes.

“Was I right in assuming you were the one to proposition him?” I asked her.

Megan bit her lower lip and nodded. I let go of her and walked a circle around the halls. “Why?!” I demanded. “You get with every boy you lay eyes on. You try to get into a threesome at a party, with a dude that, may I add, I bet you don’t know. You have sex in the grimy school halls. You jeopardize a teacher’s fucking career to play on his primal instincts. What is it?!” I fired at her. “Are you manipulating guys? Are you addicted? What’s your goal here?!”

Megan, again, had her lips sealed. I sighed angrily. “Would you just tell m-”

“I’m thinking about it!” she hissed sharply, trying to battle her tears again.

“Okay.” I backed off defensively. I’d already yelled at her a lot, I may as well have stopped if I was actually getting somewhere.

“I really don’t want to admit this right now. Not with you like this.” she finally concluded.

“Admit what?” I asked, my tone softening.

“I was trying to…” she began, then sighed and looked away.

“No, come on, what?” My tone had returned to normal.

“I wanted to… to mimic how it felt with you. My first time.”

This made zero sense. “Mimic?” I asked her. “What do you mean?”

“I loved it. I love you.” Megan sharply replied, tears growing again in her eyes.

This was stupid. Too fucking stupid to be real. “You love me?” I asked her, my tone reflecting how stupid I found that to be. “That’s why you fuck every dude you find? Because you fucking love me?”

“Oh, I’m sorry if you don’t want me to! It’s just the truth!” she replied harshly with a tone that could break Scrooge’s heart. She grabbed me and buried her head in my shirt, sobbing. “I love you…” she repeated as she cried uncontrollably.

As stupid as it sounded, I felt like an ass. I just spent the last little bit tearing into her for being a slut when, if I was understanding her correctly, she was being just that because she wanted to have me but… knew she couldn’t or something stupid. I mean, we had sex relatively recently and if she jumped me, I wouldn’t have said no. Was this her way of coping with the fact that I didn’t think of her as much more than a sex toy? Making herself a universal sex toy?

I was taken out of my thoughts by my phone ringing. Lightly pushing Megan off of me, I took out my phone. Nicole was calling me. Yay.

I pushed the ‘accept’ button.’ “Yeah?” I asked humorlessly.

“The council meeting is almost over. If you two snuck into the hallway for a quickie, I’m going to be angry. You should take council more seriously.” The condescending voice of Nicole greeted me.

Of course. More fucking sex. “Oh, shut the fuck up.” I told her, then shut off my phone before she could respond.

I looked back to Megan, who had her back up against a locker with her eyes closed. I stared at her for about five seconds, then sighed.

“I’m sorry.” I admitted. I took her hand in mine. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.”

“Yeah.” she weakly responded, then pushed herself off of the locker again. We started walking back again.

I chuckled. “At least if I’m an asshole that might make you stop loving me so you can move on and find someone better.” I offered.

Megan just looked straight ahead. “I won’t stop loving you.” she told me sincerely.

I hope Megan didn’t see me roll my eyes. Sure she wouldn’t.

***

Nicole was surprisingly accepting of how much of a foul mood I was in, even after my outburst at her. Her understanding, it seemed, was only paralleled by her silence. Shortly after we arrived, the council ended, then devolved into a storm of gossip. It was a pretty juicy sight for the Gossip Machine to see the girl that was missing come back in tears, escorted by the guy she blew last semester to boot. The theories were all over the place. Frankly though, I didn’t care. I needed to leave.

Which of course I didn’t get to do. Once again Nicole had to do some favors and given my crappy mood, we both realized it was a recipe for trouble for me to tag along, so with the promise of coming back in half an hour, she left, leaving me sitting on the school’s front steps.

Sitting wasn’t doing me much good, so after a bit I just went inside and started to wander the halls. I had no goal in mind, I just wanted to stay in motion. I wasn’t really walking to any particular place, but a couple of minutes and a few awkward disingenuous ‘hello’s to passing custodians later, I found myself facing what the school referred to as the Spartacus room, the room where I did all of my working out.

Why not? I shrugged and entered the room. It was really cool of the school to keep it open for students, even if it meant an obnoxious security camera in the corner of the room in case of thefts.

With a calmness I didn’t have at the moment, I scanned the whole place. My eyes landed on a suspended sandbag in the middle of the room, and figured it was the best way to let off some steam. Opening the cabinet in the corner, I pulled out some sparring gloves and slowly put them on, walking with an ominously slow pace to the punching bag.

For the first twenty seconds, I stared at it and breathed. With every breath, my agitation grew, and yet my mind cleared. Eventually a picture started to appear on the punching bag.

I felt awful knowing what was materializing before me. It was, without a question, May. Her face. Her self-justified fucking grin. Her confident ‘fuck you’ eyes.

With unfound energy I took the first swing at the bag. Then another, and another. “Are you fucking happy now?” I muttered.

With every punch, I wound up more and more. I got more and more into it. “Are you!?” I demanded the bag. “You got what you wanted, so I hope you are!”

Smack. Smack. Smack. Each hit got louder as I hit with more force. “Why the fuck did you do it?!” I asked in a surprisingly small, hollowed, horrified voice. “Why did you?”

The sandbag was now noticeably swinging with each punch. “Tell me!!” I yelled angrily. “Did you like it?! Did you get pleasure from it? You fucking freak!”

I no longer saw the bag. I just saw May. “You’re a freak!” I repeated with a tone that could cut diamonds as I socked her in the jaw. “Fuck you, you stupid, selfish piece of shit! If you’re so insecure, why don’t you just move away then? Why don’t you just die?!” I sucker-punched her in the stomach.

I was punching like a madman. So much so that I was starting to lose energy. I blinked rapidly, noticing that it was becoming harder to see. tears. Tears were coming from my eyes. I wasn’t thinking about how I felt, though – that would have required me to stop. “How could you do this to me?!” I roared, getting closer to the bag. I was starting to lose my technique, my fury now becoming more prominent than my focus. I didn’t care how I punched her – as far as I knew, the more the better. “Kill yourself!” I wasn’t even aware that I was the person that was saying these things anymore. I wasn’t aware of how, after a bit, I was no longer yelling, just crying. Eventually, I collapsed on the floor, exhausted and furious, weakly hitting the floor with my fist every so often as I bawled my stupid little eyes out.

I wasn’t aware of how much time had passed – maybe five minutes, maybe ten… but I was calm. I was no longer crying. I was just staring blankly at the floor, nothing on my mind anymore. I sighed and took off the gloves, meekly standing up to put them away. I checked my phone to see Nicole wasn’t back yet, but I knew I didn’t have much time left at all.

In fact, I bet I had precious little time to compose myself, I thought with disgust as I headed to the shower area to splash some water on my face. I didn’t want people to see I was crying. As open as I was, I never wanted to talk about this with anyone. Because… they’d listen. They’d ask questions. Especially Salvador, I sure as hell couldn’t tell him for millions of reasons. I wanted him to just… leave me alone. I wanted everyone to leave me alone.

***

“If it makes you feel any better, I was no good at Spanish either.” Dad remarked as we drove to Carson’s.

“Oh good, it’s genetic.” I replied bitterly.

“I didn’t quite say that.” Dad said dryly, eyeing me as much as he could while paying attention to the road.

“What are you saying then?”

“I’m saying I didn’t pay attention as much as I should have.” Dad coolly said.

“And what, I’m not paying attention either? Just because you didn’t pay attention, that’s why your son is struggling?” I asked a little heatedly.

“Well, someone’s tightly wound today.” Dad raised one eyebrow. “Does this car have a sunroof above you by any chance? A few modifications and I’ll have an ‘eject’ button built just for these moments.”

I sighed. “Sorry.” I lamely said. “Yeah, I’m a little tightly wound.”

“I could see.” he nodded. “That would be why I didn’t get angry. Anger is best treated with openness and acceptance. Never forget that.”

Dad’s super rare serious moment. Did I have a camera on me? “Stupid things at school have been happening and I’m sick with them.”

“Does any of it have to do with withdrawal?” Dad asked me, half joking, half serious. “You lost your coping mechanism recently, after all.”

Dad was referring to the weed. Of course, in another way, he was kind of right, I bitterly thought as a vision of Nicole popped up in my head. “I’m sure that has some impact on it.” I honestly stated. “Mostly though it’s just current events. Stupid people making stupid decisions.”

“Well, we all do in high school, don’t we?” Dad lazily yet attentively continued to make conversation.

“Inexcusably stupid.” I continued. “At least, to me.”

“When did it start?” Dad asked.

“Around… last weekend.”

“So, a whole week. Have you discussed it with anyone?”

“Dad, I’d prefer not to-”

“I’m not asking you to talk to me about things you want to keep private.” he interrupted. “If there’s one thing I can pride on, it’s that I’ve let you live your life. My policy as a father is to only intervene when I think it’s absolutely necessary.”

“What’s my policy as a son then?” I asked out of curiosity.

Dad turned to me briefly. His eyes gleamed in that way that told me he was internally smiling. “You don’t have one. You owe me nothing. When you grow up, then you’ll have your own children. You’ll owe them instead.” He made a turn – we were almost at Carson’s. “I don’t want anything more from you than to have a happy life. I hope that you’ll feel the same way towards your children. You know the money we put away for college?”

I nodded.

“We’ve been saving up for that since you were born. Not because we think the investment will pay off or that you’ll repay us, but because we love you.”

I didn’t say anything and silence filled the car until I felt it stop. “This is the place, right?” Dad asked.

I took off my seatbelt and leaned over to the other side, giving dad a kiss on the cheek. In my earlier teenage years, I remember thinking kissing your parents was weird and never did it, particularly with such a poker-faced guy as Dad. Slight shock was evident on his face.

“I love you, dad.” I said warmly.

“Your friend may have seen that. How embarrassing.” Dad dryly commented.

“I don’t think it’s embarrassing for him to see I’m grateful for the best dad in the world.” I replied.

“I meant it was embarrassing for me.” Dad clarified. “I’m glad to see I rank higher than Darth Vader though.”

I opened the door and climbed out of the car, shutting the door behind me. I heard the window lower as dad half-shouted, “So when do you want me to pick you up?”

“Two, three hours?” I asked him. “I have my cell phone. Whenever’s convenient.”

“You got it.” Dad replied. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah, thanks.” I flashed him a thumbs-up. he flashed his own and started to drive away.

Dad was correct – I needed to talk to someone. I couldn’t even talk to Salvador about this, and all of this bottling up crap was doing me no favors. I never thought needing to talk to someone would bring me here, but here I was, in the most unlikely place, fixated on talking to the most unlikely person.

I knocked on the door to find a familiar scenario. The door opened slightly, just enough for me to see two judging, cold eyes scan me over. “Here to see Carson?” Jenna asked.

“That’s usually why I’m here, isn’t it?” I asked her rhetorically. She opened the door and wordlessly let me in. Once I was inside, I cleared my throat nervously. “Actually, this time I’m here for a different reason.”

“What reason?” She asked, caution in her tone. I briefly wondered what had happened to make Jenna so distrusting and aloof.

“I’m in over my head.” I began. “I’m in a weird situation, involving girls. For… reasons, I can’t talk to the people I normally talk to. We maybe don’t see eye to eye, but…” A sharp look from her made my words get caught up in my throat. “Well… y’know, I… I didn’t know who I could talk to. Bottom line, I’m stuck and would appreciate a female viewpoint.”

Bewilderment filled Jenna’s eyes. It was clear she didn’t expect this in a million years. Her eyes glossed over and eventually she was looking not at me, but down at the carpeting of the living room behind me, lost in her own thoughts. Eventually, her eyebrows slowly raised and she shrugged. “Um, sure.” she said, her voice mellow to combat her evident confusion. “Sit down, I guess.”

I took a seat at the kitchen table and helped myself to an apple from a basket in the center of the table. “So what’s going on?”

I sighed. “Okay. Here goes. Do you remember the situation with the three girls?”

She cocked her eyebrow. “If they feel violated I’m not going to entertain the thought of defe-”

“For God’s sake, Jenna.” I whined. “None of them feel violated or raped or whatever. This is an internal problem. This is a ‘me’ problem. If I thought this was an issue I would get crucified by you for, I wouldn’t have asked to speak with you.”

“Then what is this ‘you’ problem?” Jenna asked, eyes narrowing inquisitively.

I explained the situation, in stupid and incriminating detail, about Megan. The only detail I left out was which teacher Megan had sex with, as I was sure Jenna would seek justice for her. Sure enough, Jenna paused my story for around five minutes to attempt to grill me for the teacher, with no luck. Now clearly upset, she allowed me to continue, where I explained May’s encounter with me in the park, emphasizing how she came on to me and how I did not consent.

“I’m not looking for you to agree with me on the whole consent thing though.” I concluded. “I know your beliefs with males and consent and… well, frankly, I think it’s stupid, but whatever.”

“You’re not doing a great job of winning me over if you want my advice.” Jenna interjected coldly.

“Here’s the thing: Remember how I told you about Nicole a while ago? Back when I first spilled the beans about May and Megan too?”

Jenna nodded. “You used her easy persuaded nature for easy sex.”

“Sure. Fine. Whatever.” I spat. “One time, she said, clear as day, ‘I love you’ when we were… doing it. I was kind of weirded out, right? Especially knowing Nicole. But then – she said it again. She even repeated it, a bit of time later.”

“How much later?” Jenna asked.

“I don’t really remember.” I confessed. “But she said it multiple times, so I wasn’t just hearing anything. Now, Megan. When I confronted her about why she did it, she said, and I’m not making this up, that she wanted to ‘mimic the feeling of being with me.’ She said it was because she loved me. It took a lot for her to say it too, at least it looked like it. Then, May, she did what she did because she said she loved me and thought that if I loved her back, I wouldn’t have stopped her. Three girls said they love me. The only three girls I’ve had sex with. What… like… what does it mean?”

“The three girls saying they love you?” Jenna asked, making sure she understood.

I nodded. “Is there something I’m missing here? This whole thing feels… wrong or cheap or something. It just doesn’t sit well with me. Especially the last part. I know you don’t think May… raped me or anything, but imagine I was a girl and May was a guy. Just do me a favor and imagine it if it helps you live in my world.”

Jenna sat up and cleared her throat. “Well, first of all, I can’t imagine that, since the fact that she has a female brain and you have a male one is important to this.”

Of course. Why did I expect any different?

“If the three girls said with confidence that they love you, I think you should trust their feelings. Women are very in-tune with our emotions.”

“Do you honestly think they actually love me?” I asked, not expecting her answer.

“That’s a loaded question, at least in the way you phrased it.” she criticized me. “Offhand, I’d say they at least think they do. Whether they actually do can’t be answered just by telling me and looking for my answer.”

“That makes sense.” I accepted. “The whole ‘the truth comes from inside’ thing?”

“Sure, if you’d like.” she answered.

“Okay.” I nodded, trying to make sense of it. “I guess I could see something like that. After all, I’ve had an impact on all of the girls, and they had an impact on me.”

Jenna shrugged, still keeping eye contact with me.

“And I can definitely relate. I think I’m actually developing strong relationships with all of them, even if they can be… negative.” I continued, then chuckled. “This may sound silly given the story I just told you, but I think that I am in love with-”

“You’re not.”

Five seconds of silence fluttered around us. “You’re not even gonna let me finish my sentence with this one, huh?” I asked with a huff.

“You shouldn’t get yourself confused. These girls are objects to you, and the way you secure them isn’t unlike a predator-prey relationship. Whatever ‘love’ you think you feel is actually a desire to keep a particular girl to yourself so you can have her whenever you want.” she informed me.

“It sounds like you just described May, not me.” I annoyedly noted. “Is there any reason you have to back this up other than the fact that I’m a dude?”

“This all stems from male dominance and attempted ownership of females. It’s primal, all men do it.” Jenna continued.

“All males, huh? Even asexuals and gay men? They own females too?” I asked, hoping to catch her.

“Even then, the more feminine of the two is usually the one expected to submit. Even without relationships the patriarchy is still evident in our economic and legal systems.”

“Oh, so the wage gap is why May can’t possibly have raped me, huh?” I laughed to myself. “I have no clue why I thought talking to you was going to be a good idea.”

“If you can’t handle the truth, don’t ask me.” Jenna said with a subtle hint of smugness in her condescending voice.

“Jenna, I always appreciate hearing the other side’s point of view, but wow, fuck you.” I stated exasperatedly. “You just took what keeps me up at night and denied it ever happened because a girl did it to me. You managed to take a traumatic event and erase it from your reality because it doesn’t fit your agenda. You’re telling me my feelings don’t matter basically because of what sex I was born, something I can’t control. Isn’t this exactly what feminists should be fighting against?!”

“First of a-”

“I’m not finished.” I growled. “You also took the word of three girls saying ‘I love this guy,’ without any kind of doubt that they at least think they mean it. As you yourself mentioned, you weren’t even given much to go on. Now I say it and you immediately deny it, all because of what’s between my legs. No wonder so many people hate the word ‘feminist.’ You give them a bad name. A terrible name. You paint me as the bad guy not to right injustices, but to invent them. You erase rapes because they undo your point. You refuse to accept the other side because it forces you to admit that you’re wrong about something. Was this ever about equality for you, or was it about you getting your way? Call the Carter family a bunch of misogynists all you want – the biggest sexist of the family is sitting right there.” I pointed to her.

She sat there with her lips pursed, all the while attempting to make interjections the whole time. “Are you finished?” she finally asked.

“Yes.” I admitted sourly.

“Go ahead and yell at me all you want.” she replied, looking down at the table. “You’re only proving my point.”

I stared at her in disbelief for around ten whole seconds, a very long ten seconds, before giving up entirely. Unable to conjure up words to describe how stupid this situation and her arguments seemed, I slunk away from the table and started to trudge up the stairs. Shaking my head at what just happened, I knocked on Carson’s door.

Carson opened the door and blinked twice. “Hey, buddy.” he slowly greeted me.

“Hey, Carson.” I replied with a stupid amount of enthusiasm to hide my exasperation towards the previous conversation. “Can we hang out?”

“Uh, sure…” he responded, a little weirded out. “You know I have a phone, right? Or, like, a front door. Y’know… for knocking on.”

I shrugged. “Sorry. I’m in kind of a weird headspace right now.”

A sly grin formed on his face. “Oh yeah?” he asked me. “Well, fuck it, why not? You came to the right place, bruh. What do you wanna do?”

“I dunno.” I answered. “Whatever you wanna do.”

“Halo it is!” Carson replied energetically. “You’re gonna get your ass kicked. I’ve been practicing like nobody’s business.”

“Instead of doing homework?” I asked him humorously.

“What’s homework?” he asked, grinning. “Nice way of making me decide what we should do, by the by. You sound like a passive-aggressive girlfriend.”

We passed by Jenna as we entered the living room, who simply rolled her eyes and stomped upstairs. Carson whirled around. “What’s up her ass? She’s not usually a bitch this early into seeing me.”

“It’s Jenna. Who even knows?” I asked, trying to hide any anger in my voice.

Carson gave me a grin. “Good fuckin’ point.” he replied.

“So, what’s this about comparing me to a girlfriend? Need to get something off your chest?” I asked him as he set up the Xbox.

“You kidding me?” he asked me. “Why eat one dish when you have the whole buffet at your hands?”

“Well, I don’t have the buffet at my hands.” I replied, then shivered about how the three girls said they loved me. I guess in a weird way I did.

“I’m talking about me, dude.” Carson replied smugly. “The other day, I shit you not, the fucking school hallways. Me. Her. Bone town.”

“The school hallways?!” I asked incredulously, feigning interest and trying to push the picture of Megan getting boned by a guy old enough to be her dad out of my mind. “So did you get arrested or was this after hours?”

“Duh, of course it was after hours.” Carson rolled his eyes. “We had to keep most of our clothes on and keep quiet just in case, but she was super into it. Hot as all hell.”

“Where’d you do it? Hell, who’d you do?” I asked.

“Third floor.” he replied, referring to the second floor. As mentioned, the hallways were constructed weirdly, but I was now able to memorize it at least. “Her name’s Georgina. Super hottie.”

“Georgina… what? Do I know her?” I asked him.

He thought to himself for a second, then shrugged. “I have no fuckin’ idea. Besides, even if I asked, her mouth was usually too full to answer.” He gave me a wink.

“You’re a thousand percent charm.” I muttered disgustedly.

“Dude, you’d be the same if you were in my shoes.” Carson protested. He paused the game, dug into his pocket, and pulled out his phone. “Hold on. Do you wanna see her? I got a few pictures of her on my phone.”

“Well, that’s kinda inconsiderate, isn’t it?” I asked him. “I mean, I never met her, I didn’t ask her consent to see her or anything. Did you ask if you could share them?”

Carson stared at me, wide-eyed in confusion. “Dude, have you been talking to Jenna recently or something?”

“I’m just saying, shouldn’t you just ask her if she’s comfortable with being seen like that or something?”

“Oh, buddy, that’s cute.” Carson humored me, putting his phone back into his pocket. “But that’s not how it works. Trust me, she knows. This is how high school works. If she didn’t want me sharing the picture, she wouldn’t let me take it. If she has a stick up her ass about it, that’s her problem, not mine.”

I sighed as he unpaused the game and we resumed playing. Carson was an awesome friend, but I wasn’t sure how fun it was to be trapped between two sexists in the Carter household.

***

Eight days had passed since May had her way with me. I was too scared to talk to her about it, too sick of this shit to talk to Megan about it, too tired to talk to Salvador about it, too proud to talk to my parents about it, and talking to Jenna did me zero favors.

That’s probably what led me to Nicole’s house. I had the excuse of wanting to go to make sure she was better, and of course that was a part of it, but there was little point denying to myself the real reason why I was there.

I went through my usual routine of knocking, then doing my nervous shuffle as I waited. The possibilities ran through my head. Her parents answer. She answers, sick as a dog. She gets mad at me. Her parents get mad at me. She’s dead. Her parents are dead. Everyone’s dead. I’m dead.

I shook my head and deduced I needed to get more sleep. I focused back on the door in time to see Mrs. Baker open it. For the first time, she didn’t visibly grimace when she saw that it was me.

“Ah, hello, Adam.” she flatly greeted me.

“H-hello, Mrs. Baker!” I replied as coolly as I could. Talking to adults was still fairly difficult, especially given I had no clue what she thought of me. “I was just here to s-see Nicole. See if she’s better and all that. Y’know. Not like she needs to be better, mind you – just because she’s sick. Or if she’s sick. Maybe she got better. Which is why I‘m here.”

Her one eyebrow lowered as I continuously talked. “Well, it’s kind of you to check up on her.” she started. “She isn’t here right now though. She is feeling better, but decided to take a walk. She may be back soon.”

“Oh, okay.” I plainly responded. “Uh, thanks then! I guess I’ll come by later.”

She gave me a half-smile. “Take care!” she simply said before shutting the door. It was almost unnerving. She was… not unkind. She wasn’t Ghandi either, but it still was weird.

I had walked about halfway back home before a thought hit me and I spun around. I squinted due to the sunset hitting my eyes given the direction I was looking. I thought about it for a long time, then sighed, determination in my eyes. I started walking.

My mind was numb, no thoughts except the one in my head as I turned corners and kept walking with my shoulders forward until I reached a familiar-looking gate, with some gray carved stones beyond it. I ventured forward, looking for one of these stones to have “Baker” on it.

It wasn’t hard to find. It was the only grave with a fresh rose in front of it. Yet, there was clearly no one around me. I looked all around me – nothing. Just graves, walls and a building, what looked like a church, although it was clear this church was out of commission for quite a while. The way it was angled, I couldn’t see the entrance, though an obnoxiously blatant work of graffiti showed me that this house of worship was as dead as the rest of those resting here.

I was practically in a trance as I looked back to Mitch’s grave. Without thinking, I sat down at it and stared. For about a minute, all I did was stare at the word ‘Mitchell.’ What a world, I thought to myself. This guy was… a person. I wanted to be important to Nicole’s life, but I was practically a nobody when compared to this guy I never met. He was no one to me, yet the world to someone else. It was something I could say easily, but not truly understand. And now he was dead. He wasn’t feeling anything anymore.

What was it like to die? I stared deeper into the grave as if it was going to give me an answer. I tried to imagine it. I imagined black. Then I realized that wasn’t it. There wouldn’t be any black. There wouldn’t be a me to see the black. There would literally be nothing. It wasn’t like sleep. Mitch wasn’t coming back. He was just… not there. As if he never existed in the first place. The entirety of time would pass him… no, ‘it’… by, and soon everything would end. I’d be dead. I wouldn’t see any black either. I wouldn’t be able to do or think anything and the universe would just slowly die, and once it did, everything I ever worked for wouldn’t even be broken down into other atoms. It would just be gone. Nothing.

I jumped up to my feet. I suddenly felt very uncomfortable looking at the grave. I couldn’t imagine anything like that happening to someone I didn’t know…

…let alone someone I loved. Poor Nicole, I thought to myself, as if for the first time ever. I eyed the whole graveyard again and was able to confirm, she definitely wasn’t here.

Unless… My gaze drifted to the church. I walked around it and wasn’t surprised to find an open door. Gingerly, I opened it a little bit more and walked in.

The musty odor of ‘old’ filled my nose. I guess it may have been the wood rot and dust. I looked around to see empty pews, some hard-to-read rusted-over plaque about the Commandments on the wall, and an altar that had seen better days. I was glad to see that there was no graffiti on the inside of the building.

I slowly walked between the pews, enjoying the creak of the floor and the sensations of the old, stale building. Although, I realized after a bit, it was still well-lit. I followed the sunlight up to see there was a second floor that only spanned half of the area of the first floor, like some kind of indoor balcony. I looked to the back of the church and saw stairs.

I shrugged. I might get a better view up there. Plus, the first floor was pretty empty… maybe the second floor would yield better results.

Within seconds of reaching the second floor, my thoughts were confirmed. On the second floor, opposite the edge of the ‘balcony’ was a huge window letting in golden sunset light, and in front of it sat a silent, beautiful grade 11. I walked up the rest of the stairs and stood behind her for a few seconds.

“You really like to follow me, huh?” A disturbingly calm voice asked me.

“I…” I stuttered. I suddenly remembered, like an idiot, what she was like the last time I followed her here.

She sighed. “Don’t worry, I’m not mad at you.” she continued, seeming to read my thoughts. She patted the floor next to her. “The view is better up close.”

Slowly and calmly, I sat next to her. “Nice place you found.” I awkwardly said to her.

She turned to me, allowing me to see the dried tears on her face, and gave me a patient half-smile, totally devoid of her usual sassiness. “I used to hate this place.” she told me. “I would only come for Mitch, nothing else. But then I found this.” She gestured to the window. I could barely see the town through the slightly tinted glass, warped by age, although what I could see was admittedly beautiful. A golden-dyed town landscape crowned by a few hills in the distance.

I looked back and Nicole and noticed that she had her camera around her neck. Normally I wouldn’t have noticed since she took that thing everywhere, but I gave a small smile realizing that when I last saw her here, she wasn’t wearing it.

“Nice place to get a few shots?” I asked her sweetly.

“Yeah, and to think.” she admitted. “I don’t think I need to tell you that I was really uncontrollable when I came here in the past.” Silence filled the air for around half a minute and I heard a few sniffles. “I think…” she began, her voice giving away that she was on the verge of crying again, “that I’m getting over it. I’m no longer mad or volatile or anything when I come here. I think I’m getting over him, or, like, his death, and… that’s scary for some reason. I’m not ready to be over him.”

I didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry.” I offered softly.

“I want him back.” she added quietly. “I want to get angry every time I come here. It’s been getting harder and harder though. Now I just sit here and just stare at the sun until it’s gone.”

“Isn’t it good that you’re not getting angry though?” I asked her.

“What if it stops meaning anything?” she asked meekly. “What if every time I think of Mitch in the future I don’t care? I like getting angry. It helps me know that I care.”

“Do you still care about me when you get angry at me?” I asked her.

“Oh, don’t.” she replied, humor filling her voice for the first time today.

“No, I’m serious.” I continued. “I’m not good at dealing with angry people. I can deal with you because you keep getting angry with me only because you care. I’m sometimes a little intimidated by you because I don’t get you. You’re so committed to making me a better person. But if I don’t fuck up, you don’t get angry. Do you suddenly not care about me then, when the problems are gone?”

She rolled her eyes at me, then wiped the tears off of her face. “Way to make this moment all about you, squirt.” she told me sassily.

“I have a point though.” I answered confidently.

“Yeah, you do.” she replied, inching closer to me but still staring out the window. I followed suit, feeling comfortable with the silence we shared. Occasionally I’d look at her without turning my head, but she never altered her gaze, fixated on the townscape. I decided to follow suit, but over time, my head fell gently onto her shoulder.

She didn’t say anything. We sat there, looking out at the sunset together, thinking about nothing together. A few minutes passed, and her head slowly, almost fearfully reached forward, slowly descending on top of mine. I felt every part of her hand begin to touch mine as her hand sunk lower and lower until it was on top of mine. In response, in shock I turned my head towards her.

“Don’t you dare look at me.” she seriously threatened and my head shot back forward. At first I was worried, but then I smiled. I turned my hand around, allowing our hands to clasp. I heard Nicole loudly exhale as I felt her hand slowly close around mine.

We could have stayed there like that forever. After around 10 minutes though, the sun had just set and the church was beginning to lose light.

“We should probably start heading back, huh?” Nicole asked, her voice the quietest it could possibly be without being a whisper.

“Yeah, sure.” I agreed, my voice just as small. Both of us sat up, yet our hands remained together. Neither of us was willing to let go first. I smiled at the realization.

“Grow up.” Nicole remarked as she let go of my hand, rolling her eyes. “So, does this mean you’ll keep stalking me here?”

“Nah, I just…” I stopped. I didn’t want to talk to her about May here and now. Number one, she clearly had bigger problems. Number two, as stupid as it sounded, that moment we shared meant a lot to me. I didn’t want to spoil it.

“I just was nervous. I was wondering if you were going to freak out on me like last time.” I smoothly recovered.

She took the bait and evidently, my hiccup went unnoticed. She looked to the floor and sighed. “Whether it’s for the better or not, getting angry about this is behind me, hotshot.” she calmly told me.

“I couldn’t be sure.” I shrugged. “Maybe you’d say more stuff you’d regret later. Maybe you’d join forces with the council again to make me look bad.”

Nicole smiled devilishly at me. “Oh, don’t you fucking start.” she warned. “I could do a lot worse than that.”

“What the hell do you mean by ‘worse’?” I asked, following her down the stairs. “What could you possibly do that’s dumb? What, are you gonna plant a gun in my locker?”

Nicole rolled her eyes again. “Yeah, because trying to incriminate you with easily traceable firearms in a school that has video surveillance is a great idea.” she spat. “Give me a little credit here, squirt. What kind of cardboard poorly-thought-out cartoon villain could do that and expect to be taken seriously?”

“Well then, Danny Ocean, why don’t you tell me what you would do since you know everything about everything?” I retaliated.

“I don’t know everything about everything.” she grumpily mumbled.

“What’s the atomic weight of beryllium?”

“Nine point zero one two one eight two. Now fuck off.” she replied with a playful smirk.

We passed by the graves wordlessly and left the graveyard. Soon, almost too soon, we were back home and quickly agreed to go our separate ways for the night. I never got to tell her about May, but if things kept going the way they did, I wouldn’t even be upset anymore about it. I guess I was moving on from being mad too.

***

“Will Carson be upset that you’re ditching lunch with him to have it with me today?” Megan asked as we walked through the hallways together.

“Seriously, does he own me or something?” I angrily asked, my hands agitatedly flailing around me. “He’s not my husband.”

“Probably mostly because he could never settle down with anyone.” Megan humorously noted.

“Also because I’m not gay. Or him. Neither of us are gay.” I quickly added.

Megan cocked an eyebrow. “You’re quite quick to jump to your defense there.” she remarked.

I probably blushed a little. “Well, I mean, it’s true…” I mumbled.

Megan giggled. “How’s this?” she asked, pointing to a little area in an enlarged hallway leading to some kind of tech-oriented classroom. It seemed pretty cut off from the rest of the school. Hell, it looked pretty cut off from society.

I shrugged. “It works.” I told her, and we both sat down and pulled out our lunches.

I decided to be the first one to break the ice. “So, have you been a good girl?” I asked her. I’m sure I was playing right into her hands, but really this was the only way at this point to play the game without making either one of us upset.

“I’ve been a very good girl.” Megan smiled at me confidently, arrogantly in a playful way.

“No sex in the last seven days?” I asked her.

“None.” she simply answered with a smile.

“How does it feel?” I asked, hoping to get a response like ‘Happier, now that I know I’m not blowing any guy who asks just because I’m hung up on my first crush. Oh, and I’m not endangering any more jobs with the threat of an inevitable pedophilia accusation, so that’s cool, right?’

I was stupid. “Not fun.” Megan pouted. “I miss the feeling.”

“But doesn’t it…” I exasperatedly started, then caught Megan’s expression. I hesitated, then gulped down my words. “Actually, never mind. Forget it.”

“You’re upset with me.” Megan sadly remarked.

“I’m just fed up with basically everything having to do with that.” I crudely pointed to her vagina. “I mean, not just yours. Everyone’s. Sex is fucking dramatic.”

Megan thought to herself for a second. “You caused the drama a week ago, didn’t you?” she boldly asked. “If you were going to just let us off the hook, why did you come in at all?”

“Why did I- because you were banging a fucking teacher!” I practically yelled. Both of us instinctively looked around us after that outburst. Luckily, no one was around.

“Sorry.” I began. “Because if you weren’t caught, you were probably going to do it again.”

Megan groaned and hit her head against the wall. “Permission to put my head on your shoulder?”

“Granted,” I allowed. She shifted over and plopped her head down, face-first, onto my shoulder.

I felt a smile break out on her face. “Remember when I was so shy I was afraid to talk to you?”

I smiled back and started stroking her hair. “Yeah.” I replied. “Would you say you’re not shy at all now or something?”

She got up off my shoulder, her long hair completely covering her face. Nevertheless I could feel her smile still there. “What do you mean by that?” she asked me.

“You know exactly what I mean.” I gave her a wink. “Not a peep out of you in the classroom. Never more than twelve words until we’re alone.”

Megan shrugged and brushed the hair out of her eyes. “I’m just very selective about who is worthy of my time, of course!” she declared.

I stared at her, one eyebrow down. “Yeah, that’s it.” I responded dryly, then turned my attention to the hallway. Out of the corner of my eye, a figure was approaching. And approaching rapidly. “Oh no.”

“What?” Megan asked, following my gaze until she too saw Matt. “Oh no.” she repeated.

I could do nothing but stare as Matt stormed towards us. “If I have to tell you once, I have to tell you a million god damn times. Get away from her.” he roughly told me. “I thought we had an understanding.”

“Hey, we’ve done nothing together since we talked. Now I have to stop talking to her now too?” I asked him.

“I don’t care what you’re doing. I don’t want you near my sister. You’ve done awful things to her, and worse, you’ve made her like you so she’ll support you. If someone doesn’t step in I don’t know whose sister or daughter you’ll be perverting next.”

I chuckled in disbelief as I stood up, with Megan following. “So what, I’m just gonna start a prostitution ring in the school? Is that my plan, Matt?”

“Oh, shut up. I never said that.” he dismissed me. “No one could pull that off anyway. See, you’re just a freshmen. Of course you’ll think such a stupid idea is possible, but some of us actually know how high school works and how well-tuned our teachers are to what’s going on in the school. Example A, you think you can do things to my sister after school and it won’t go unnoticed.”

“It… did go unnoticed until she told you.” I slowly responded.

“Yeah. Exactly. The truth always comes out. How about you start too? Tell us about why you’re just using my sister. What you’ve done to her. How you can sleep at night, you little fuck.”

“Matt, please can this just stop?” Megan pleaded him. “This isn’t helping anything.”

“Megan, shut up.” Matt barked, rolling his eyes. “You don’t even understand what he did to you. What would the Megan I knew back in September say to you if she could see you now? Skipping classes, having intercourse with strangers at parties…”

Riding teachers, I thought with an invisible smirk.

Megan shifted uncomfortably as she stood, not caring to answer.

However, that didn’t stop me. “Well, the old Megan sure wouldn’t say much, seeing how shy she was. Yet this Megan isn’t. Is that really a bad thing? Think about it. What if this is just a natural part of her-”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, shut up.” Matt interrupted. “Why do you always feel the need to give these condescending speeches to everyone you think is wrong?”

Because it was practically how I was raised this year, I grumpily thought to myself.

“‘Natural’? Are you insane? This is stupidly unhealthy. You’re fucking turning my sister into a slut.” he continued.

“I’m not that.” Megan spoke up.

“Fucking really? How many guys have you slept with then? When do I get to call you a slut? How many guys will it take before you’re as disgusted as I am with you?!” Matt roared. Matt was yelling in Megan’s face. This… wasn’t supposed to be happening. This was wrong.

“Holy shit Matt, you fucking bully. Stop yelling at your own sister for her life choices.” I slowly, threateningly told him.

Matt stopped and turned to me. “Oh, I’m a bully, am I? I am the bully here?”

“Yeah, you kind of are.” Megan timidly contributed. “Adam makes me feel better about myself.”

“Even if she’s having sex, she’s more secure in who she is as a person.” I continued. “Even if this is a phase she’s going through, as a brother you should be telling her you love her. Maybe helping her work through it. Not telling her you’re disgusted by her.”

“What the fuck, man?” Matt recoiled. “Putting words in my mouth and shit. I never fuckin’ said I was disgusted by her.”

“You did. Just now. It hurt.” Megan simply said, keeping her head down.

Matt’s gaze blanked as he thought for a second, then his eyes widened. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He coughed nervously, then came back in full force. “Y’know what, sure. If my sister is behaving in destructive ways, she needs some tough love. I am her brother. I’m supposed to protect her.”

“From guys like me?” I asked sarcastically.

“Is that even a question? Of course from guys like you!” Matt spat. “What am I supposed to do, just ignore it and tell her it’ll all work out? What kind of shitstain brother would do that?”

“Mitchell ‘shitstain’ Baker comes to mind.” came a voice from behind us.

Before the enlarged hallway there was a staircase. Standing on that staircase, leaning on the railing, with a rather calm expression on her face, was Nicole. “In fact, he did that with me,” she continued, walking relaxedly down the rest of the stairs, sauntering up to our group. “Right after he caught me blowing some guy. Told me I was precious the way I was, that he didn’t blame me. That he still loved me. That I didn’t need validation from guys, but could still go after them if that made me happy, as long as I was careful.” She stopped right in front of Matt. “Sound familiar? It probably should. I told you that story when we passed his room, after something around the fifth time we fucked.”

At that, Megan sharply gasped and her hands flew in front of her face.

Nicole stifled a grin. “Whoops. Did I make you seem like a hypocrite in the middle of your big argument? Please, go ahead and continue.”

Matt said nothing. He just stood there, his face getting redder, his fists clenching.

Nicole took that as a sign to continue. “I’m guessing I shouldn’t make you look worse then. Like mentioning how you were fucking girls on the side in grade nine. Or the kinks you enjoyed when we fucked.” A grin that was without a doubt evil crossed her face. “Be a good boy and I won’t say out loud what you told me after the first time we did it.”

“Fine!” Matt blurted out, fear in his voice. “You win. I’m stopping, okay?”

“I don’t win here, Matty.” Nicole replied with a fake innocent look on her face. “You just lose. You don’t get to tell Megan what to do even without what I know about you. You’re going to let her live her life and support her, not drag her down from your ivory tower. You got that? If this ever happens again, I’ll find out, and I’ll be sure to remember my promises.”

Matt was not one bit pleased with the situation, but whatever Nicole was holding over him must have been monumental. Plus he already lost by virtue of being a hypocritical prick. All he could do was open and close his sweaty fists a few times before beginning to stomp away.

His steps were cut short by a quick, powerful whistle from Nicole meant to capture his attention. Looking away from him, she outstretched one arm with her finger pointed towards him in the ‘come hither’ motion. “One more thing, get back here.”

Matt looked like he was ready to explode. With one eye twitching, he hesitantly and embarrassedly walked towards Nicole with her keeping up the motion until he was essentially touching her outstretched hand. She had him by the balls, and both of them knew it.

Without warning, Nicole grabbed him by the shirt and literally pulled him off of the ground, her arm angled so that her knuckles, dug into his chest, were the only thing supporting him in the air. It took one astonished look at Megan to see that Matt wasn’t the only one surprised by her strength.

“If you ever so much as imply that Mitch was anything other than the best brother again, I’ll personally rip your teeth out one by one and send a video of it to your parents. You should feel embarrassed to call yourself a brother next to him.” Nicole fiercely hissed with such speed and articulation that she made Eminem look like he had a stutter. With a flare in her eyes, she flicked her hand outward, throwing him to the ground. He landed with a frankly concerning thud.

“Are you too hurt to stand up?” Nicole harshly asked him immediately, barely after he hit the floor. She didn’t wait for an answer and immediately followed with, “Then beat it!!” Poison practically dripped from her words. Matt quickly scrambled to his feet and ran as fast as he could out of there.

Nicole turned to us, still having a wild look in her eyes. I’m sure she could easily tell both of us were scared. Not just scared, we were scared of her.

She slowly raised her hand to point at me. “Quit getting involved in ‘holier-than-thou’ fights with people.” she told me breathlessly, clearly tired from what she did to Matt. “It’s seriously getting old. Just leave next time, there’s no need to debate. Just let things like this be dealt by people who don’t fuck up everything they touch.”

“Nicol-”

“I didn’t tell you you could speak, did I?” she contested me. “Don’t start with me. I have plenty I’m holding over you too.” She lowered her hand and began to walk away, walking backwards towards the stairs so that she didn’t break eye contact with me to make a point.

Even after she was gone, Megan and I were frozen for about twenty seconds. Eventually, we calmed down enough that we sat back down. “What was that?” Megan finally timidly asked me.

“I have no clue.” I honestly answered her.

“I mean Matt didn’t even directly mention her brother.” she continued.

“I know.” I nodded. I had a feeling it’s because Nicole saw herself in Megan, but I don’t think it would have helped to tell Megan that.

“Does she ever get like that with you?”

“Once. Kind of.” I answered. “Not really like this. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her hurt someone before.”

“I hope he’s okay.” she mumbled, feeling okay enough to pick up an apple.

“Even after all that?” I asked her. “He said he was disgusted with you.”

Megan smiled sweetly. “If Matt told me that he didn’t love me anymore it wouldn’t change how I see him. He’s still my brother. He can be abrasive but I think it comes from a place of meaning well. If the Lord says judge not, who am I to presume the devil in people?”

Something told me Jesus had better things to do than berate a freshman girl for appropriately getting angry when her brother was being a dick to her but whatever. “Lust is one of the deadly sins.” I reminded her.

“That’s why I’ve been a good girl.” she pointed out. “I’m doing what I can to keep it down.”

“Is it that tempting?” I asked curiously.

“I would mount you right now if we weren’t in a public place.” Megan said a little too casually, eating another bite of her apple.

“So much for being a good girl.” I chuckled to myself. For a minute or so, we ate our lunches in silence, before I noticed that Megan, scooted up next to me, was looking at me, something familiar in her eyes.

I tried to ignore it the first few times I saw it. As I did, though, Megan began to successfully worm her way into my head. It’s true, I found her attractive as all hell. Her innocent exterior complimented her inner sex demon deliciously, and the fact that she had such a perfect little face with her small nose, brown doe eyes and beautiful shy smile pulled it altogether.

Eventually we were staring at each other, the space between us closing. A warm rush filled me. It felt so pathetic to say this, but… I actually wanted it this time. I felt so good to actually want it. With Megan I felt safe. Valued. Secure. Wanted.

And I wanted her.

“Did you miss me?” Megan asked, her voice quiet and delicate. “I missed you. I never meant to make you upset.” Her hand slowly worked its way onto my shirt, then up until it reached my neck. “I just want to make you happy.”

“You do make me happy, Megan.” I breathily told her.

“Then tell me.” she demanded. “Is there anything I can do for you? Anything at all?”

No more words were exchanged. Our eyes, and the desire that filled them, said enough. As soon as our lips touched, it was like we could communicate without ever using words. Our first kiss was delicate, soft, moving. Then the next one was a little more passionate. Our next one was more wild. Then when I split her lips with my tongue, we got downright lustful. Each one sent a surge of adrenaline rushing down my whole body from my lips to my toes.

It had been so long since I had sex, considering the fuck-like-a-rabbit life I lived so shortly ago. It was silly to think at fourteen that I was missing having a sex life, but here I was. And Megan cared. She asked, she had my interests at heart. It occurred to me that nobody’s naked body was sexier than that. She wanted me. Not only that, she wanted to please me. Even if she wasn’t my fucktoy, she was always mine.

Another warm rush filled me. I wanted to return the favor. I wanted to make her feel good too. I ended the kiss abruptly and stood up, looking around near us before grabbing her and daringly pinning her to the wall.

I slowly licked up the side of her neck, ending at the ear, which I slowly nibbled on. “Being a good girl is overrated, isn’t it?” I whispered gruffly.

“Yes,” she whispered back, lust painting her voice.

“Then maybe you should find us a private place, shouldn’t you?” I let go of her and let her take a few steps before winding up and slapping her cute shorts-covered ass.

Megan yelped then contained a giggle as she skipped along, her cheeks showing the hint of a blush. I followed, keeping a good pace but trying to seem as calm and confident as I could.

Eventually, the familiar sight of a janitor’s closet entered my view. Megan walked up to it, opening it gingerly. When the door opened to reveal no one, she beamed at me.

I couldn’t help but grin. The more things changed, the more they seemed to stay the same, but I had to admit, Megan had this unique sexiness about her I couldn’t help but notice. I looked around to make sure no one was around, and luckily enough, no one was noticing us.

I was relieved until I realized how odd that was. No one was around. During lunch, probably the tail end of lunch. In a locker-filled hallway. I took out my phone to check the time, and realized that it was two minutes after class started.

I looked back up to Megan, whose smile had disappeared. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Class has already started.” I told her.

“Oh.” She shrank down in defeat and sadness. “Um, yeah, sorry.”

She began to close the door. Just before it closed all the way, my hand stopped her. Megan looked up at me, half in confusion, half in hope.

I leaned in close. “I’m going to miss history class for this.” I growled. “So my good little girl is going to make this worth it for me, isn’t she?”

Megan beamed again. “She’ll do whatever she can to get Master off.” she purred.

We both went into the room and picked up immediately where we had left off. Within seconds of the door closing my hands were tightly gripping Megan’s cute little ass and our mouths were glued to one another, our mutual desire and pent-up sexual frustration so powerful it would have given Oppenheimer a run for his money.

In the moment, I began to frustratedly rip Megan’s shirt

off before she pushed back on my chest, breaking the kiss for the first time. “I think I might need my shirt after this, Master.” she guiltily murmured.

“Do it quick.” I ordered. “Show me why I’ve missed you, baby girl.”

Megan smiled slightly as she began to pull her shirt over her head, going a little bit slower than usual to tease me. Soon she was only left in her bra, and as she began to undo it, her smile got bigger and she started to move her hips back and forth in an attempt to tease me.

The attempt was working. She was surprisingly good at strip-teasing, and I could do nothing but smile slightly, lean back against the wall and fold my arms as she continued.

Her hips had a beautiful rhythm to them, like she had a song playing for her and she was matching perfectly to the beat. I was at times horrified with what I did to Megan, but there was something so deliciously taboo about seeing this young, innocent girl in a grimy janitor’s closet giving a striptease for the man she called ‘Master.’ She was putty in my hands. I owned her, and she knew it.

She turned around and teased me some more, shoving her ass out at me as she reached behind her for the final time and undid her bra. It slid off effortlessly, but given her back was to me, I couldn’t see her boobs and she milked this moment.

“Anything you’d like to see, Master?” she teasingly asked me, an adorable smile on her innocent face.

“Turn around. I want to see them.” I commanded.

“My what, sir?” she asked, grinning.

“Your sexy, beautiful tits.” I gruffed, reaching forward and giving her a spank. “Your master gave you an order.”

“And I want to make my Master happy.” she obediently, submissively declared as she spun back around, her hands covering her nipples, and slowly slid them down.

There they were. Megan’s tits weren’t the biggest, but they could easily be seen by many as the best. Just the sight of them was enough to make me break my calm, collected persona and reach forward, pinning her to the wall as I encircled her nipple with my tongue. Her nipple, in turn, quickly became erect at my delicate yet forceful touch.

She was gasping already. I think it had been a long time for her too – she was evidently quite sensitive, and not in the mood to wait. Within seconds of me cutting the delicate act and latching on, I heard her adjusting her shorts and pulling them down enough that she could scratch that itch she needed so badly.

“Did I say you could do that?” I took my mouth off of her tit long enough to ask.

Megan hesitated. “…No, sir.”

“Then be a good girl and wait.” I ordered.

“But I want it so badly.” Megan whined. “Please, sir. I’ve been a good girl. I just want to enjoy myself while you do.”

I took my mouth off of her nipple again and looked her in the eyes for a few seconds. She couldn’t take it and looked away, and I smiled slightly. “So that’s what my pet wants, is it?” I asked her. “She just wants to get off?”

“I want to make you happy, sir.” she submissively declared. “But I would be so grateful if Master helped me.”

Slowly, agonizingly so, without saying a word, I got very close to her, and kissed her on the lips intently as I lowered her shorts and panties to the ground. “If that’s what she wants…” I mumbled, almost to myself, getting down on my knees. I motioned for her to spread her legs more apart. She did so, slightly embarrassed even now that my face was so close to her womanhood.

Much like her boobs, I was delicate at first. I extended my tongue forwards and barely touched her folds, licking away at the outsides, just giving her enough stimulation to make her want more. By the time I began to move inwards, Megan was practically dancing, she was so riled up.

When my tongue first made contact with her clitoris, she let out a surprisingly loud moan. I lifted my head up in surprise to see her wildly blushing.

“Just keep going.” she frantically begged. “Please keep going.”

My tongue flicked across her clit a few more times, each time rewarded with a worryingly loud moan. I realized if anyone walked by we’d be in big trouble, then a wonderfully terrible thought crossed my mind.

I discreetly grabbed her panties and stood up, putting my hands on her hips. “You’re being too loud.” I told her in a low voice. “We might need a gag for you.”

“A gag, Master?” she asked in a timid voice, and I simply held up her panties in response. Megan visibly gulped.

She looked to me as if for confirmation, and I only nodded. “Be a good girl for me.”

“I’m a good girl.” she repeated back, almost to herself. “I’m a good girl.” She took the panties from me and slowly, a part of her unsure, began to bring them to her mouth.

I had to admit the slowness and the look in her eyes was the first unsexy thing she had done since we got in, so I decided I didn’t need to watch the whole process. I got back down on my knees and told her, “I’m not going to continue until they’re in your mouth, slut.”

I didn’t look up at her face. I didn’t need to. A few seconds after, her empty hand came back down, her fingers nervously moving around. I took it as a sign of her being a good girl and dove back in.

I had to admit, porn stories I read online had really exaggerated how much panties actually muffle noises, but at least it was doing something. Now that we had some kind of insurance, I decided to let the real show begin. I only gave her another minute or so of foreplay before I truly let loose on her, showing her the athletic talent of my tongue. It twisted, explored, and spasmed in a systematic effort to reduce her to a quivering mess of muffled moans and sexy flesh, wearing nothing but her glasses and her shoes.

“A-Adam… M-master…” she moaned, her words jittery and dense. She wanted this for a long time now. She wanted me. And now she had me, and it was clearly everything she wanted.

“Adam… Oh my goodness… I love you so much… Oh…” she moaned out of control, grabbing the back of my head. I rolled my eyes as I continued to eat her out. I was lucky she told me this before, otherwise the shock of this revelation would probably have been enough to make me stop. It was very clear that Megan was close. I listened for every moan, and mapped her out in the moment, figuring out when to go slower, when to go deeper, and when to make her squeal with how rough I was going.

I was batting a thousand. Within a minute of my conscious efforts I practically felt the lightning surge through my pet as she had an earth-shattering orgasm powerful enough to make her weak in the knees. I barely was able to stop her from collapsing as she leaned against the wall and grabbed me with her hands to steady herself. I looked up and she was practically cross-eyed from how light-headed I’d made her.

I decided to let her relax as I eyed her well-tongued pussy. So delicate, fresh, and beautiful… Although I will admit the shape was a little unusual in a way I couldn’t even describe. I was taken out of my art examination by a faint ‘ptooie’ and a pair of panties hitting the floor.

“I’ll have to wear those later.” she remarked lamely.

“You always have the option to not wear them at all.” I offered with a grin on my face.

She returned that grin with one of her own as she reached for her fly. “Sorry, Master, that’s not really an option.” she purred. “Not with what’s about to happen.”

“Even after what just happened, you want more?” I asked, not resisting as she pulled down my pants.

“Your tongue is great, but there’s nothing I love more than the bare feeling of you inside me.” she sensually whispered. “Are you going to take your shirt off or would you like me to?”

“Let’s save some time.” I winked at her, before taking my shirt off and kicking my pants and underwear to the side. “You might want to take your glasses off.”

“Smart.” she nodded, taking them off and putting them on a shelf. “It’s unfortunate I can’t see how much hotter you’ve gotten, though.”

I chuckled and looked down at myself. Honestly, I hit a muscular peak a bit ago and there was really nothing new to be seen. “Nothing you haven’t seen before.” I commented. “Plus…” I gently spun her around and pushed on her back so she was leaning against the wall but her ass was still facing me, inviting me. “If you lose one sense, I heard that the others become a lot…” I lined my steel-hard cock up with her slit. “…stronger.”

“Mmmm…” she moaned. “Don’t tease me this time. I want you to have your way with me, Adam. Don’t hold back.”

I can’t imagine how lucky I was to have a girl who was telling me that. “If that’s what my good girl wants…” I groaned as I slid myself inside her.

Colors and musical chords filled my head. Just the feeling of being inside this sexy little minx was heaven on Earth. However, she wanted rough, and I was all too glad to give it to her. Gripping her hips she was just showing off to me, and putting them to good use, I drove myself into her, gaining speed until I was drilling her. She was a blur and was trying to contain herself, although her moans were still enough to drown out the primal sound of our hips slamming together and the faint squishing of me pounding into her saturated pussy.

I felt the need to cum almost embarrassingly quick. I guess being pent up for that long can do that to a guy. Luckily, Megan had lost virtually no sexual frustration from her first orgasm and sounded like she was on the same track as me. Grinning, I started to pick up speed.

I wanted to be eloquent. I wanted to be loquacious. I wanted to tell her, “If we keep up doing this, my sweet little pet, I’m going to fill you up soon.” That being said, we can’t always get what we want and the only thing I managed to do was wheeze out “Soon,” before five seconds had passed and I started emptying my load into Megan’s addictive little pussy.

I lasted for a few spurts then exhaustedly collapsed against her for a few seconds while she used the wall to support both of our weight. “Sounds like Master had a good time.” she giggled.

I faintly chuckled as I stood myself back up. “Did you finish?” I asked, savoring the moment of being inside her, being this close to her.

She turned her head and smiled sweetly. “No, but that’s okay.” she told me. “You took pretty good care of me beforehand. Plus, we’ll have more opportunities where we can spend more time making each other feel good, but I really need to get to English.”

Oh, shoot. Right. History. Mr. Anton wasn’t going to be impressed. Hastily, I removed my dick from inside Megan, enjoying the sight of her well-used pussy before she covered it up with her panties.

“Like what you see?” she teasingly asked, feeling around for her bra.

“Of course I do.” I replied, finding her bra next to me and handing it to her. “And, hey…”

Megan stopped dressing herself to look at me.

“Thanks. I know you’re usually the one to thank me and tell me how good it felt and all, but it felt really nice to do this and to enjoy it and feel like I’m valued and stuff.”

“You’re welcome.” Megan softly responded. “But… don’t you enjoy it and feel valued every time?”

“Oh, of course. I’m just saying, it’s nice.” I smoothly lied, trying to hide the shudder that came across when I thought of May.

***

“You sure you’re okay?” May asked me, leaning up against the locker next to mine.

“Yup.” I flatly responded, looking only at the contents of my locker.

May gestured a look of confusion with her hands. “So what, you’re just not going to talk?”

“I guess.” I replied simply.

“You don’t even want to know why I came over here?” she asked incredulously. When she wasn’t met with a response, she scoffed. “Wow. Okay.”

“Look, May, can it wait?” I pleaded, gathering the courage to look her in the eyes as I closed my locker. “I need to get to a student council meeting anyways.”

“Student council meeting, huh?” she pretended to think. “Sounds boring. Wouldn’t you rather we go find someplace private and you ruin my throat with your cock?” She was grinning devilishly. “And if you’re a good boy, maybe we can keep doing this. What do you say? Up for it?”

May didn’t even wait for an answer. She teasingly turned and started to walk. I’d way sooner meet up with Megan or Nicole or literally any other girl before before this piece of work, I thought bitterly to myself.

“Sorry, what was that?!” May heatedly asked me, whipping back around.

Shock hit me like a punch in the stomach. Shit, did I really just say that out loud? Fuck. I did my best to compose myself and just look at her without saying anything.

Silence poured through the air. “No. No, you don’t get to fucking say nothing after that. Tell me what you said.”

“I didn’t say anything.” I shrugged.

“Fuck you! Actually fuck you.” May had done a full 180 and was practically frothing at the mouth. “I heard you. I heard you say something about fucking both stupid Megan and stupid Nicole. Have you been fucking them behind my back?!”

“Wait – ‘behind your back’?! You don’t own me!” I protested.

“Clearly I don’t! Since you’re just going to fuck every girl you lay eyes on, why do I even try to bother trying to make you feel special?”

“Feel special?! You didn’t take no for an answer, you piece of shit!!” I fumed.

“You didn’t say no!” May yelled bewilderedly. “What’s wrong, do you regret it afterwards and now want to make me feel like the bad guy?”

I laughed in disbelief, crossing my arms. A wave of fury-filled heat surged through me as I replied a little too calmly, “Well you probably know a lot about that, don’t you?”

A wave of emotions, from shock to betrayal to deep sadness to downright hatred fueled her eyes. “You’re the worst.” she began with an ominous calmness. “You’re the fucking worst! I’ll kill you!”

She launched forward and grabbed onto my two shoulders, screaming in my face. I wasn’t good at dealing with screaming, and was trying to shake her off of me. I was getting increasingly upset, and my anxiety was doubling with every second she clung to me. The jitters started, then the tears, then full-out panic. Explosions were going on right behind my eyes. I wasn’t okay. I needed it to stop. I had to make it stop.

Suddenly, it did. May spun around, stumbled a few steps, and outstretched a hand onto a locker on the opposite side of the hallway for support. Something had gotten through to her. My gaze lifted from her and and drifted to an outstretched fist, one that had socked her right in the jaw. My fist.

I hit her. I had punched someone. Suddenly my concern for May’s agitation towards me melted away. My heart sunk in my chest. I was violent. I used force. I had gone against everything I stood for. I felt like a train had plowed right through me. I was numb. Scared, even.

Slowly, May’s face turned to look at me. She said nothing. She looked at me with this gross combination of disappointment, horror, and pain. I really didn’t want it to hurt. I wished it didn’t. When she sighed and wordlessly crawled away, a disturbed look on her face, I knew I had just made a big mistake.

____________________

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